The matter of children

“The poor have a problem which a lot of the socialites I know- you know, the ones who do ”philanthropy” and so on- aren’t actually aware of. It is children.

Childrens, you see, are what happen when a poor person has sexual intercourse with another poor person and they produce what doctors now call a ‘baby’. Now, wealthy people have this problem also- sometimes they make love (only the poor have sexual intercourse; the rich make love) and a variation of a childrens is formed- a ‘trust fund childrens’. This phenomenon has been going on for years, of course- in the days of the aristocracy, a child would inherit the kingdom and he and his brothers and sisters would fight about it.

Today, a child is dolled out money (similar to social security checks) from what is know as a ‘trust fund’. The Geldof sisters- Peaches, Strawberry and Cream, are a good example of this. Trust fund childrens are remarkably similar to actual childrens, but in school they are taught a different set of physics- call it ‘The Physics Of Egocentric Vanities’. They’re taught that the sun actually revolves around their head, that gravity is a sort of butler to them, and that air is a substance found in Africa in mines owned by their dear father. Needless to say, these people grow up slightly different to the childrens of poor people.

There’s another factor to take into account here, too: when a rich person has a child, the accountants of said rich person assign a value to the child (putting it as a long term liability, of course) and it is looked after by bodyguards, maids, and so on. This is a cruical difference- when the poor have childrens, they have to look after it themselves! -I imagine a lot of you are gasping now, with expressions like ‘!’ and ‘?!’ and ‘!!!’, depending on your level of botox.

Perhaps, if you’re from the Hollywood-Scientology circle, your face simply looks like this: ‘…’, because your botox has turned your face into a barren marble statue. You are possibly holding your well-manicured hands over your well-lipsticked mouths, wondering how on earth one is supposed to look after a childrens.

(This is quite different to the “accessory baby”, in vogue a couple of years ago- especially babies from Africa. That moment has passed.) ”

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